Setting boundaries is honoring yourself.
When we set boundaries, we are authentically using our voice & listening to our needs.
That icky feeling in the pit of your stomach when you’re doing something that is no longer aligned, is a message from the body. The belly is our center of power; our internal flame. When you feel lit up & expansive, you’re in alignment & your flame is burning bright. When you feel contractive, it’s a sign you get to listen to the true desire of your Spirit & reignite a flame that may feel dwindled or unacknowledged.
Setting boundaries was something that was incredibly difficult for me in the past. I’ll be honest, I am a recovering “people pleaser”. I was afraid to say “no” because I didn’t want to hurt people’s feelings, feared rejection, & didn’t want to make anyone angry, at the expense of my own well-being.
It was exhausting.
It wasn’t until I reached my breaking point, developed severe anxiety & body tremors (little did I know that this was my body’s natural way of attempting to release the anxious energy stuck in my body), that I said, “enough is enough”.
I remember a specific incident, where another coach and I were discussing business collaboration. Everything was great at first, until we got to know each other better, & I realized our work was not aligned.
And there’s totally nothing wrong with that!
I’m real “woo woo” (lol) and she wasn’t. I went against my gut, & literally tore down my entire website to fit into her style. She told me my woo-wooiness was too dark & intimidating, and I believed her. So, I completely rebranded, to fit into someone else’s box. Can you say people pleaser to the MAX.!? When I finally mustered up the courage to tell her that I felt like our visions were not aligned, my worst fear came true. Yup, that’s right.
REJECTION. HURT. ANGER.
She felt like I lied to her about wanting to collaborate. OUCH. Although this was untrue, & not my intention at all, this was her experience, & I get to honor that. She called me ungrateful. BOOM. Another punch to the gut. And proceeded to tell me that I didn’t have a right to teach people if I was going to break commitments. That one stung!
Overall, she felt like I wasted her time & energy, and her feelings were completely valid.
Had I not gone against my intuition, or used my voice & spoke up sooner, I would have saved US BOTH time/energy.
Did I feel hurt by her words? You bet I did. Did I cry? Like a baby. But I still honored & acknowledged her experience, and most importantly, I honored my own.
By the end of it all, I was okay. I was alive & breathing. Despite how uncomfortable and unfamiliar saying no was to me at the time, I didn’t die. I stayed true to myself, and I knew that all of those hurtful things she said to me were said because she felt hurt (hurt people hurt people). I held onto my integrity, & responded with unconditional love, despite feeling extremely hurt by her words.
These were the prices I was willing to pay to honor my commitment to MYSELF. And this was also my feedback. When I don’t stay true to myself, when I fail to honor my feelings, and when I say yes when I really want to say no, it hurts not only myself, but also HURTS OTHER PEOPLE!
Wow. Huge lesson.
Thank you Spirit 😉.
After I allowed the feelings to move through me, allowed my body to tremble away the heavy emotions, I felt empowered. Not everyone is going to like you, and that’s okay. Your message isn’t meant to resonate with everyone. When we are triggered by someone, we get to look in the mirror and ask ourselves:
“What is it about them that I don’t like about myself?”
One of the lessons that Spirit has been teaching me over & over again, is that people are not their behaviors, & I’m not responsible for other peoples emotions or how they react. These lessons have taught me how to respond, rather than react. They have taught me how to heal, move on, & let go.
There is no benefit to becoming like those who hurt you; it will only hurt you in the end. And, when we continue to expend out energy on people or situations that hurt us, it’s like giving our power away. Find the lessons within the storm.
There’s always a breakthrough within a breakdown.
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